As a facilitator, I get to witness those “lightbulb moments” when teams finally unlock what’s been holding them back. More often than not, the blockage comes down to differences in communication and working styles – and the unspoken assumptions we usually make about one another.
Think back to the last time you completed a personality questionnaire. Chances are you were asked if you identify as more introverted or extroverted.
The first time I did one, I was 22 years old, completing the Myers Briggs Type Indicator. My result? Ambivert – right in the middle. At the time, I was shocked. I thought I was clearly an extrovert: I loved talking to people, socialising, sharing ideas, and stepping up to lead. But as I repeated these assessments over the years (and later became accredited in personality profiling tools), I discovered a far more nuanced picture.
What I’ve learned – and what leaders often find most useful – is that introversion and extroversion aren’t about shyness versus confidence. They’re about energy. If solitude restores you, you probably lean more introverted. If being around people fuels you, you might identify more as extroverted. Many of us sit somewhere in between, or shift depending on context.
And here’s where this matters for leaders: knowing how your people source energy, connect, and recharge directly shapes your ability to motivate, empathise, communicate and build strong relationships.
A Powerful Exercise: Asking the Questions We Don’t Normally Ask
In a recent workshop, I used the Clarity 4D tool to help a team understand their different styles. I asked those with higher introversion scores to stand on one side of the room, and those with higher extroversion scores on the other. Each group was tasked with writing the questions they’d always wanted to ask “the other side.”
The results were eye-opening. Both sides surfaced assumptions they’d held about the other – many of which turned out to be misconceptions. By simply asking and listening, they began to dissolve biases, build empathy, and create a stronger sense of trust.
Here are some of the most powerful questions that emerged:
From the introverts:
“How do you enjoy being around people so much?”
“Do you ever feel the need for solitude or time alone?
“How do you navigate large gatherings without feeling overwhelmed?”
“Do you ever find it difficult to slow down and take time for yourself?”
“How do you handle conflicts in a group setting?”
From the extroverts:
“Why are you so quiet?”
“Don’t you get lonely being alone so much?”
“How do you recharge if not through people?”
“Why don’t you speak up more in group discussions?”
“How can I include you more without overwhelming you?”
Why This Matters for Leaders
As leaders, it’s easy to label people by surface behaviours: “She’s quiet,” “He’s outspoken,” “They’re always in the thick of things.” But when you pause to understand what’s underneath – what restores them, what drains them, how they process ideas – you gain the ability to flex your own style and unlock the best in others.
This isn’t just about introverts and extroverts. It’s about seeing the human behind the behaviour, asking the questions we don’t usually ask, and creating safe space for trust and deeper connection.
Because when your team feels seen and understood, they show up with more energy, trust, and commitment.
* Curious about how tools like Clarity 4D can help your team build this level of awareness and connection? Reach out here.
