When do you contemplate? Is it on a walk, in the shower, during your commute – or in the quiet moments between meetings? We all do it. To contemplate, think and ruminate is important. It can help us to tune in to ourselves, become more self-aware and reflect on our approach and decisions. This ‘chatter’ – as psychologist Ethan Kross calls it – can be a powerful tool for reflection and growth. But left unchecked, it can turn against us.
Reflection can easily spiral into rumination, catastrophising, and self-doubt. What starts as a productive moment of contemplation becomes an energy-draining loop that clouds your judgment and holds you back. As leaders, we can’t afford to let this internal monologue run wild.
But here’s the good news: that inner voice isn’t just noise – it can be tuned and refined into something clear, constructive, and empowering.
In the book Chatter, Cross explores the power of our internal dialogue and how to manage it. Here are six powerful insights that I took away from this great read:
🔹 Coach, Don’t Criticise.
Instead of harsh self-talk, adopt the voice of a supportive coach. Use your name or the word you – “You’ve handled challenges like this before” – to activate problem-solving rather than panic.
🔹 Zoom Out to Zoom Forward.
When worry hijacks your thoughts, ask: Will this matter a month or a year from now? Shifting to a long-term lens helps you regain perspective and make decisions rooted in clarity, not anxiety.
🔹 Frame the Future.
Imagine telling someone about this moment five years from now. What will you say you learned? This future framing shifts your brain from fear to growth, from spiralling to strategy.
🔹 Find Awe in the Ordinary.
Step into nature, observe the world around you, or connect with something bigger than yourself. Awe is a natural antidote to self-absorption, creating space to think bigger and reset your perspective.
🔹 Mind Your Digital Diet.
Your feed may be fueling the very chatter you’re trying to quiet. Remember: social media shows the highlight reel, not the full story. Curate your intake to support reflection rather than comparison.
🔹 Tune into the Body-Mind Connection.
Unmanaged chatter isn’t just mental – it triggers stress responses in your body that affect your energy, focus, and resilience. By calming your inner world, you also strengthen your outer presence.
Leadership isn’t about silencing the inner critic – it’s about transforming it into a clear, steady voice that serves you and your team. Managing your inner dialogue isn’t soft leadership – it’s smart leadership. It’s the foundation of clear-headed decisions, courageous conversations, and calm presence under pressure.
So next time you feel the familiar spiral of unhelpful chatter, pause. Reframe. Speak to yourself as you would to someone you respect and lead. That’s how you transform noise into wisdom, chatter into clarity – and lead with intention.
