In a recent group coaching session, something telling happened. The team – open, honest, committed – started talking about someone not in the room. Not out of malice, but frustration. One person’s behaviour had become a constant drag. The mood shifted when they were present, collaboration stalled, and trust eroded.
Sound familiar?
Every leader, at some point, encounters that team member. The one whose passive-aggressive, negative, or controlling behaviour casts a shadow over everyone else. Ignoring it isn’t an option. Here’s how to handle it.
⚡️ Listen Without Letting It Turn into Gossip
When a team starts venting about someone not present, that’s a red flag. Their frustration is real. Acknowledge it. But don’t let it spiral into blame. Keep it constructive: “What would a better dynamic look like?” Shift the focus to solutions, not complaints.
⚡️ Don’t Dodge the Hard Conversation
Hoping it blows over? It won’t. Have the conversation – privately, directly. Lay out what you’ve observed and what needs to change. Be clear but fair: “When you do X, it impacts the team in Y way.” Set the expectation that things must improve – and that support is available.
⚡️ Make Expectations Non-Negotiable
Toxic behaviour continues when it’s tolerated. If your team values or behavioural expectations aren’t crystal clear, make them so. Write them down. Discuss them. Reinforce them. Culture isn’t a slogan – it’s what you allow, reward, and correct.
⚡️ Support, but Don’t Enable
Not all difficult behaviour is malicious – sometimes it’s burnout, stress, or misalignment. Offer help where it’s needed, but don’t mistake understanding for leniency. Change must be real, measurable, and sustained.
⚡️ Close the Loop with the Team
Once you’ve addressed the issue, let the team know you’re on it. No need for details – just clarity that it’s being handled. Reinforce shared goals and the standard everyone is expected to uphold.
Toxicity spreads when left unchecked. But when a leader acts deliberately, the team sees a culture that’s shaped, protected, and held to a high standard – on purpose, not by accident.
Ways to work with me:
💬 One-on-one coaching
🎯 Leadership development and training
🎤 Book me as a Speaker or MC for your next event
